I have no idea how I stumbled upon this contest, however I know there was a dash of Pinterest, a splash of Twitter, and more than one or two prayers of “Where do I begin again” mumbled, prayed and then spoken aloud to God in the last 24 hours. He knows I am very competitive, so I'm sure He thought a contest might spur me on.
I have been writing a book for almost 7 years. Yes. Seven. That is longer than some marriages, and for some reason, I think my book has the seven year itch. I have a feeling it wants to break-up with me. I'm stuck. It's not the books fault. I have MORE than enough material. Seven years worth. A chronic diagnosis, a lost career which I treasured, a devastating loss of independence but a steadfast grip on joy, a betrayal then divorce after a 20 year marriage, an impending empty nest, a budding, complicated romance...it could be fiction if not every word were true.
It is just that. I sit firmly in the passenger's seat, with a unobstructed view, and control over none of the operations of the vehicle. It is a book which deals with allowing God to be in control when you no longer are. And it's not just for me. It's written for anyone who struggles with that feeling of being out of control. About learning to lean and surrender. It’s a good book. In my head. But since no one can read my mind, I've got to get it down on paper. I makes for a great read, I'll tell ya.
I tell myself the windshield is bigger than the rear-view mirror for a reason--where I am going is more important than where I've been. But somehow, somehow, I must struggle to remain focused on both at once to tell the story of where I've been and where I'm going. I do know this for sure: Doubt lives in neither perspective. Doubt is an emotion I cannot allow to ride shotgun if I am to get my story to the world.